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Sex Positve Lifestyle
 

UPCOMING NYC EVENTS

About sx noir

SX NOIR is a digital platform combined with live events in nyc that explores sex health. We combine personal experiences and pop culture to create original, innovative content. Our key demographic consists of readers between the ages of 21-35 who live in New York City. The mission is to provide sex-positive resources to all identifying genders. Topics of focus include sex, relationships, health, sex technology and culture. 

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Our Founder

Hello everyone! I am SX NR, an American girl taking on the world. No, this is not a simulation, this is real!  In the digital age, every millennial has an opinion about something,  I just want to help you form one about sex! Live life to the fullest as you'll see in my post, while constantly challenging myself, others around me and keeping it real. SX NOIR will feature content relating to sex, love, technology, travel, culture, and health. This platform will not be perfect! How boring is perfection? It will be my own and others personal reflections on the world and as always, a work in progress. 

The Vision

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SX NOIR was created with the vision of creating a sex-positive space curating conversations around sex, love, technology, travel, culture and health. The way millennials communicate is constantly changing and we here at SX NOIR want to bring light to topics that have in the dark for far too long! I want to create comprehensive sex ed using social media and personal experiences combined with pop culture and live events.

 
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It all started when…

On Febuary 28th, a full room of women and non-binary folks gathered to unpack sex work stigma at The Wing (SoHo). It brought a legendary energy to the space, which has primarily centered white, cisgender women.

Many people have critiqued The Wing in the past for failing to be inclusive. For what it’s worth, after making the same critique to their event coordinator, I was invited to work on sex education programming there. And after SX Noir protested the Wing for contributing to harm against sex workers, the ‘Unpacking Sex Work Stigma’ event last night was made possible.

The panel featured Gizelle Marie (one of the organizers behind #NYCSTRIPPERSTRIKE), Claire Fitzsimmons (the founder and editor-in-charge at Salty World), Ceyenne Doroshow (the founder/CEO of G.L.I.T.S — Gays and Lesbians Living in a Transgender Society), and Liara Roux (a writer and online political organizer). They also invited members of the audience to share experiences and assist in educating the room.

Liara made important points about Backpage, which the Department of Justice has described as “the Internet’s leading forum for prostitution ads, including ads depicting the prostitution of children.” Since the website’s seizure by United States authorities, consensual sex workers have been increasingly vulnerable to violence. The loss of Backpage has made it difficult for them to work effectively or properly screen clients, but it has also made it more difficult to find (and assist) those who have been trafficked.

“When Backpage was up, they actually received a letter of commendation from the FBI for helping them identify trafficking victims,” Liara said of the classifieds website. “If Backpage noticed someone who seemed really young or something seemed off about the ad, they would send that information over to the FBI. And now that Backpage is gone, police or these organizations can’t even search it to find people who are actually being trafficked.”

A few days after the Backpage seizure, Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking (SESTA) and Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA) were signed into law. Although ‘trafficking’ is written in both titles, these bills don’t actually target traffickers at all. Instead, both have opened digital platforms to new liability for their users’ activities — if those activities are perceived to “promote or facilitate” consensual sex work. FOSTA/SESTA has even criminalized the collection and distribution of information about violence, abusers, and STI transmission in consensual sex work, making it more difficult for sex workers to work effectively or screen clients.

Ceyenne Doroshow, founder/CEO of G.L.I.T.S and Liara Roux, writer and online political activist

“When you give a sex worker online access to screening their clients, they’re safer,” SX Noir said to everyone at The Wing last night. “They’re able to have a few barriers of entry before someone gets to meet them. When you take down these sites, it does not take away demand, it just means that people are pushed further into the corner, further into risky situations, further into potential violence and harm — disproportionately so people of color, black women, black trans women. These are not things I’m making up in my head, this is reality.”

In the aftermath of SESTA/FOSTA, companies have been forced to edit their policies to protect themselves. Craigslist’s personals section shut down and Reddit closed its threads on escorting/sugar dating/prostitution. Websites that existed so that sex workers and their clients could screen, review, and verify each other were also shut down. Google Drive started deleting files that they perceived as explicit and banning users. And Microsoft changed its Terms-of-Service to ban “offensive language” and “inappropriate content” such as nudity, which affects users of Skype and Xbox.

gabrielle alexa noel • she/her@gabalexa

 · Apr 12, 2018

Replying to @gabalexa

Other websites that have been affected so far: Reddit/Craigslist (which have closed certain areas of their platforms), Backpage (which the FBI seized), and FetLife/MyFreeCams (which have updated their TOS to ban certain behaviors).

gabrielle alexa noel • she/her@gabalexa

The internet as it currently exists was made possible bc of previous protections that SESTA/FOSTA undermines. If we had SESTA/FOSTA 15 years ago, Facebook, Twitter, and even Wikipedia would never have emerged. The risk of litigation/cost to police users would've been too high.

Social media platforms such as Facebook/Instagram have started banning and shadow banning sex workers, and even those outside of that industry have been affected. Businesses that sell lingerie or adult toys/products have had their content removed and restricted. Even a social media campaign I participated in to raise money for RAINN (the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network), that had been organized by the company Bellesa, was labeled ‘too political’ for Instagram to promote.

And media brands such as Salty World have also experienced intense censorship.

“Salty is basically a platform for other people to tell their stories,” Claire told the crowd at the panel. “I’m not a sex worker but I’m here to amplify the voices of sex workers.”

Salty features dating tips for people with disabilities, safety advice for sex workers, and essays on queer dating, rape culture, and revenge porn. When the publication featured non-binary model Rain Dove on its cover, Instagram deleted its posts. Another cover, with a fully-clothed Zoe Ligon wearing a strap-on, was also deleted — although it didn’t violate any community terms.

Claire Fitzsimmons, founder and editor-in-charge at Salty World

“Instagram is huge, everyone has Instagram,” SX Noir said. “So for me to tell you that you can’t be on Instagram, that’s already an attack. That’s already violence against you, intended or not intended. You tell me because I’m a sex worker, I can’t be on these monopolized social media platforms, that’s detrimental to my health because I can’t connect with my friends that way, I can’t be sold products that way. I can’t interact.”

Unpacking Sex Work Stigma also covered the climate of NYC strip clubs. Gizelle Marie described NYC strip clubs as ‘congested’, making it difficult for strippers to actually make money. She also spoke about discriminatory policies at upscale strip clubs simultaneous to urban strip clubs being shut down.

“I’m happy because I seen something that just passed,” she told the crowd. “They passed a law with the stopping of the discrimination of hair so hopefully that changes a lot, especially for black women, because we do get discriminated against for afros and braids. So hopefully that makes a big difference for us to be able to go to these types of clubs.”

Gizelle Marie speaking truth to power at the panel last night

The panelists strongly advocated for the decriminalization of sex work, not its legalization, which would add federal regulations to the sex industry. But Ceyenne was clear that even after decriminalization, there is still more work to do.

“After you decriminalize, it’s not safe for me,” Ceyenne told us. “I’m sorry, it looks different for some of ya’ll but it’s going to look very different for a brown person, for a Latina.”

Ceyenne also called Melissa Broudo, an attorney with SOAR Institute, to the microphone to explain why Kamala’s push for decriminalization is actually harmful.

“The nordic model is the criminalization of clients of sex workers, of johns,” she told us. “But essentially, if you still are criminalizing half of the equation, you are still criminalizing that entire interaction. And that is the problem.”

Ceyenne Doroshow breaking things down and Liara Roux, looking on with admiration.

SX Noir closed the panel by mentioning that The Wing had not paid her or some of the other panelists. The gospel singer, who opened the panel, had been paid out of her own pocket. SX Noir put in over 80 hours of work and was offered a comped membership, a value of $250, but was told that The Wing does not usually pay moderators or panelists.

Once again, @the_wing is so focused on damage control, they are forgetting the very force they were built on. 

Female empowerment 

I feel weak, used, exploited, and like a token.

— noir (@sxnoir) March 1, 2019

SX Noir cited the fact that The Wing’s mission is to uplift all women and that to accomplish that, they need to be paying people for their contributions to the community space. Audience members were surprised to hear that their monthly membership fees weren’t necessarily going towards programming.

During the Q&A portion of the event, a former sex worker in the audience offered her last ten dollars as compensation, acknowledging how much labor the panel must have required. This immediately prompted other members of the audience to come to the stage with singles, tens, twenties, and even metro cards. The panelists were moved to tears.

SX Noir, the event organizer herself.

The evening closed with a gospel performance and then a meditation led by a high priestess. It was an incredibly moving experience that will hopefully mean greater inclusivity at The Wing. Last night also provided an entire room of sex workers and allies with valuable tools for their activism. I am so beyond proud of SX Noir’s hard work and advocacy.

Aunty Vei, the high priestess who opened and closed the event.

Audience members standing for the gospel performance.

In the aftermath of the event, the Wing reached out to guests via social media, claiming that all speakers were compensated. According to SX Noir, this is completely untrue. They also used SX Noir’s legal first name in addressing the issue, thus outing her to members.

@the_wing is so lost on the safety issues of dealing with sex workers and organizing around Sex workers. 🤦🏾‍♀️And that’s okay! Just admit that you were wrong in how you handled the situation. Thanks for outing me in an attempt to fix a mess y’all have made 🤷🏾‍♀️ pic.twitter.com/ZVGRoh3SdX

— noir (@sxnoir) March 1, 2019

This was a radical conversation that really disrupted the space. But it was meant to advocate for those who had been consistently left out of The Wing’s brand of community. Unpacking Sex Work Stigma wasn’t about turning people against the coworking space but rather, about calling its staff in to address member concerns.

Hopefully SX Noir and The Wing can reach a compromise that will equal a better community space for women and non-binary folks in the future.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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It all started when…

I had the honor of being featured on a recent episode of @sexedincolor With @blkgirlmanifest "We're tackling digisexuality, sex-tech, activism, and why YOU need to take up space." 

I get to speak about my thoughts on mutually beneficial relationships in the future of sex technology. The importance of Erotic Intelligence in the digital age. How to take up air as a Black woman in the future of sex and much more!

Over the next week, I will be sharing more of our dialogue and expanding on our conversation via insta story :) @SXNOIR

I made some honorable mentions of my favorites

. @melodiousmsm with @eroticintelligence 

. @bryonycole with @futureofsex 

. @suzziesinatra with @privatepacks 

. @gabalexa  with https://gabriellealexa.com/

. @polly_claire with @unboundbabes 

. @mtotheia with @talk.tabu 

. @doroshow with @glits_inc 

. @thegizellemarie 

. @wildflowersex 

. @itskylanotkayla with @underthingshop

. @liararoux 

Whew!! What an all star list :) 

Listen here and be sure to follow us on social media to stay up to date

 
 
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What's your cannabis meets intimacy routine?

“In a world where all we’re taught about sexual health is the reproductive system and how to prevent disease, it is necessary to have sex positive spaces that destigmatize conversations around sex, love, and self-care. SX Noir, launching in the New Year, is one of those spaces.

“From a young age I was hyper-aware of the power of women and how intertwined sex is with everything we do,” says El- Hi, sexologist and founder of SX Noir. “I also realized that although sex was in everything we did, it was to be actively suppressed.”

Traditionally, there has either been porn, monotonous sex academia, or late night sex talks with Sue Johanson for our burning and sometimes embarrassing inquiries about sex. But in the age of digital media and vast amounts of shared information, we now have the esteemed sex-blogger to look to for our sexual enlightenment.

“SX Noir is a sex-positive lifestyle platform that promotes conversation for millennials to understand sex, dating, and self-love.”

“My definition of sex positivity is having a positive attitude towards sex and removing the stigma from a healthy sex life. I have a keen interest in pleasure and how millennials will find such in the digital age - especially as it concerns technology. We need [these] spaces for people of color, men, women and nonbinary to discuss sex and dating. We simply don't have enough spaces.”

“The only place where sex positivity is talked about with any ounce of honesty is in a good sitcom, and that's not good enough. We have to do better,” she continued.

No. Sex-bloggers and activist do not replace scientific research or academia, but they do provide a much needed voice and space for niche audiences to discuss sexuality.

No. Sex-positivity isn’t a new concept, but the ideology has become more mainstream - and it couldn’t have happened at a better time.


Somewhere along the way, sexuality has become so heavily perverted by society that many of us shy away from it, and don’t educate ourselves beyond what we’re taught (the birds and the bees), or what we see in the media. Not only this, but the narrative has been dominated and controlled by white men for centuries - and we see where that has gotten us.

We all have our own unique sexual profile, and coming into your sexuality is a process similar to becoming an adult; the better you get at it, the more there is to know! But this seemingly straightforward process can be complicated, especially when you neglect to nurture it and are constantly feed images based on someone else’s idea of sexuality (with no regard for your own).

“[Early on] I realized that although we were always chasing pleasure, we never talked about it. I also found that people often tried to dictate what you should find pleasurable from a young age. I later came to the understanding that I love and am really good at connecting with others and putting myself in their shoes. I am selfless and nonjudgmental when talking to people about their sex lives, nothing surprises me. I don't judge first, I listen first,” the sexpert exclaimed.

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A little Savage Fenty lingerie and wine while getting ready

Communities like SX Noir offer a safe space to explore sexuality without feeling ashamed for doing so, or without falling victim to the many pressures of society. Sexuality in this sense, isn’t so much about who you have sex with, but how you feel about sex and the role it plays in your intimate relationships, as well as your everyday life. This goes beyond choosing a partner, or which sex positions you like. Your sexuality is shaped by your individual values, culture, spirituality and experience. And it is all of these things that ultimately shape your sexual identity and how you choose to express yourself.

“SX Noir takes on lifestyle topics through a sex-positive stamp of approval for our users. My goal is not to scream ‘I’M A QUEER BLACK FEMME’ but to destigmatize by simply existing.”

If you have neglected, or are struggling to understand your sexuality, start by educating yourself. You may in fact already be living a “sex positive” life, but continuing education is key to maintaining your sexuality. It is also healthy to discuss issues that surround sexuality with a community like SX Noir, which promotes conversations to understand sex and sexual health - as it is all too common to feel alone, or like no one can relate to a certain situation you may be going through. For those looking to enhance their sex lives in any way, at the top of your continuing education list should be the relationship between cannabis and sex.

Cannabis has been so wildly successful because it can be used in almost every aspect of our lives. It can be taken as a pill, sublingually ingested, vaporized, smoked, eaten, and even applied topically. In addition to the many ways you can use it are even more reasons why you would want to. Alas, one of the most natural and amazing reasons to use cannabis also happens to be one of the most taboo and least talked about. Sex.

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What are your favorite munchies? My ultimate guilty pleasure is Cheetos Flamin Hot Fries

“Cannabis is one of the most commonly used substances, alongside alcohol and tobacco, that can be really fun when done in a meaningful way,” El-Hi says. “Just like your favorite cocktail it may take trial and error to find the perfect fit. Personally, my favorite cocktail is a shaken gin martini with a twist...preferably Hendricks, but I will accept tanqueray. With my marijuana I am less picky, but I do lean toward sativa and like my drink, I prefer a bit of a punch, so dabs and wax blunts are more my style.”

Both scientific and psychological studies on the effects of marijuana and sexual health / sexual interocrouse are limited. However, during a recent study at St. Louis University in Missouri, researchers surveyed 133 adult women during annual gynecology check-ups and found that almost two-thirds (exactly 62%) said it increased their libidos and the pleasure of orgasm. The same team then surveyed a larger group and their results echoed the first study, concluding that 65% of women found cannabis to enhance their sexual experience.

While these studies may be groundbreaking for some, cannabis is known to have been used in tantric sexual practices, as early as 700 AD in India - which means that the relationship between cannabis and sex is nothing new. El-Hi suggests cbd massage oils, cbd bath balms, or cbd tea for novice cannabis users.

“The idea is to start slow in order to gauge tolerance and comfort level when introducing cannabis into the bedroom,” she explained. But if you want to kick things up a notch, she suggests trying a low dose edible (with your preference of sativa or indica), cannabis infused lube, a trincture drink, or rolling a good ol’ fashioned joint. The choice is yours.

“My favorite way to introduce cannabis into my intimacy routine/bedroom is a beautifully rolled joint with a glass of a light pinot noir or sparkling rose, followed by a CBD oil massage, and before bed...a delicious hash honey lavender tea with fresh mint.”

Beyond pleasure, cannabis has the ability to help individuals who have trauma associated with sex overcome those obstacles.

“It is known that cannabis psychologically helps the mind as well as physically helps the body relax and when it comes to intimacy and pleasure - that is a big part of it all,” El-Hi inststs.

“I also strongly believe that cannabis has incredible medicinal benefits. The plant undoubtedly helps people dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, insomnia, etc. But we are still in a space where most people tend to have a good [or bad] reaction without much consideration as to how they injected the plant, or which strain has to do with their reaction.”

Our comprehension of how cannabis interacts with our body, primarily as it pertains to our health, will have a huge impact on how the cannabis industry evolves. Through activism within the community, and by stimulating conversations like this one, SX Noir is not only making strides within the sex industry, but within the cannabis industry as well.

For as long as women have been fighting for sexual equality and a voice on sexuality in general, you would think that we would be further along. Platforms like SX Noir are here to remind us that there is still work to be done; first on ourselves, then within society.”

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A word from our founder:

SX NOIR would like to personally thank Rachel, the founder of Juana Zine. Here at SX NOIR we are all about taking up space in the sex-positive world. For Black Women, cannabis is an industry where we collectively need to take up as much space as possible and we are blessed Juana is making that space. I think it is imporant for everyone to be mindful of thier cannabis use and be excited about the possibilities of using it in a way that can help you not only explore yourself but also your intamacy with yourself and partners. Historically we have used it for so many reasons, lets start making that connection with sex. I look forward to more from SX NOIR x Juana.

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